Do you often feel shame about your body? Do you hold back when it comes to sexual intimacy? Do you feel cringey about sexual intimacy? Do you hold the belief that we should abstain from sex?
Well guess what, we are all capable of soulful sex, deep intimacy, full body orgasm and complete freedom around our body… so what’s stopping us?
I feel like growing up in a society and culture where sex has decades and decades of negative connotations has brought a huge elephant in the room for me when it comes to sex. The creative force and sacred power behind the act of sex is not to be underestimated. In fact, it is one of the most potent healing forces in the universe when the masculine and feminine energies combine to create balance between the two polarities. So then why is it that there is still such a heavy, complex energy around sex.
I’ve read a lot about sex, spiritual intimacy, body freedom and shame in my life. Sex is something that I never fully understood and felt shameful of. In fact, only now in my late 20s have I been able to let go of my shame associated with the act of sex and been able to reframe it and engage with it in a meaningful way.
I grew up judging other women for how liberal they were with sex, feeling fear about rejection with sex, not understanding why I was terrified of sex, being hateful towards my body & feeling unworthy of love. In reality, these were all thought patterns and beliefs which were created outside of me and were not mine to bear. So what can be done about our negative beliefs about sex?
- Addressing Shame and Assigning Responsibility
Firstly, becoming aware of your inner critic is essential. For example, your inner critic can often be fuelled by shame (the belief you are not good enough or you are a mistake) which is a biological human response to trauma and upset as a child. Do not berate yourself for having the inner critic, but start to hear it’s various tonalities when you start to think about sex, your body, engaging with another in the sexual act. Assigning responsibility means that once you start to notice a belief of your inner critic, you can inquisitively ask more about this. When did this belief start? Who really made you feel this? Was it your fault? Is it you who has to bear this shame now? What use is this shame now?
2. Start to accept your body for the wonderful and amazing miracle that it is!
Easier said than done BUT once you can be open to the idea that your body is unique and precious, you start to open the doors to true appreciation and love for the body. Your body is an amazing tool capable of many things. Do not worry about big giant affirmations such as ‘I completely and utterly love my body’, if you are really in a frame of body hatred. Start Small. ‘I am open to the belief that my body is beautiful and precious’. Our bodies are actual amazing! They are these epic sensory instruments which allow us to embrace the human experience!
3. Start to explore your body & addressing and sexual chakra blockage
Something that is great to do is to explore your own body before you engage in a sexual way with other people. Using touch or even a crystal yoni wand is a great way. If this step makes you cringe, head back to steps 1 & 2 because you may still have some prejudice and judgements about yourself being free to explore your own unique body. When we experience any trauma or sexual trauma this can block the sacral (Sexual) chakra & feminine flow of energy. If this applies to you, doing some sacred womb work and crystal yoni wand clearing can really help. For more information on this you can email me 🙂
Get comfortable with your body and feeling what feels good, what you enjoy. It is okay to enjoy the sense pleasures of this world if you want to. Let yourself be free to explore without judgements and from a genuine place of curiosity. With practice and clearing the sacral chakra, it move you and your partner from surface level orgasms to deep, womb orgasms and full body orgasms.
4. Communicate openly about sex
Communication is key. I call it the three C’s. C C C. Crystal. Clear. Communication. In any sexual relationship, you have the right to express your needs, desires, fears, boundaries and feelings. For me, intimacy and trust is absolutely key for me to engage in the sexual act. It is something deep, soulful and profound to me. On all levels it is love making. Personally, I cannot engage in casual sex with someone I do not have a deep connection with. When we realise that everyone has their own needs & wants – it stops us personalising things and just accept we are all unique. The key is to communicate with the person who is on the other side of the sexual relationship, so that everyone is crystal clear and has clarity on all the boundaries. You can then play safe and clear up anxieties. Someone who cannot handle communication around sex is probably not ready for a mature sexual exchange. Get clear about the relationship & the sex so that nobody is in the dark.
In the human experience, sex is a huge subject which I feel like we can explore more without shame and without judgements. Hopefully this helps you on starting baby steps if you’ve always felt a shroud of doubt around sex. I don’t profess to know everything about it, and I’m only just beginning my journey of looking deeper into what sex means for me, but how blessed I am to be able to start sharing with others and can’t WAIT to hear your feedback.