You may have heard it said that ‘passion is not enough’ or ‘love is not enough’. To some extent this can be true with regards to romantic relationships. In many ways, if our relationship is full of intense passion but lacks the grounding to be a long term commitment, it can burn the partnership to the ground. Similarly, if you take a routine, caring relationship where the two people have become so grounded in routines that passion is a long lost memory, then in ways the partners can feel unfulfilled.
Regardless of the cause, if you are dreaming of more passion and fire in your relationship, then this blog post offers some easy life hacks to bring back a bit of natural chemistry and relight some blazing heat.
Passion is linked to the two masculine (yang) elements of Fire & Air
Fire is the creator & destroyer. A Masculine element, fire symbolises change, passion, creativity, motivation, will power, drive and sensuality. It is sexuality, both physical and spiritual. Fire is used in spells, rituals and magic for healing, purification, sex, breaking bad habits or destroying illness and disease. Fire is the element of authority and leadership.
The element of Air is vital to human survival. It represents communication, intelligence, imagination, inspiration, knowledge, dreams & wishes. Without Air, Fire cannot exist. Air is like the glue which passes through all things and binds us together.
Love is linked to the two feminine (yin) elements of Earth & Water
Earth is the divine mother and our foundation. It is predictable in it’s cycles and it is made lush and nourished by all other elements. It provides seeds of growth, wisdom, fertility & stability. Earth is capable of taking on qualities of other elements. Earth is the womb from which all things spring, it is stable and nurturing. It’s not only exists within ourselves but also throughout the universe.
Water is the energy of emotions and love. It symbolises healing, psychic qualities, healing, cleansing. Water is concerned with the purification of the subconscious mind, mysteries of the self, compassion and family.
You may identify where you have or have had excess water/earth or fire/air energies in past relationships.
One can speculate that we attract an exact vibrational match of who we are because the universe likes to offer us mirrors to help us become our best selves. In this instance you can directly transform your vibration and thus your relationships by transforming yourself and honing your inner fire, water, earth and air elements. By trying these few things, do not be surprised if external circumstances change to reflect the alchemy you’ve been doing; you can become a powerful being in your own right. Of course, you are not doing any witchcraft, you are simply polishing the inner diamond that you really are!
Step 1 : Identify where you are right now
Ways you could be dowsing your own fire and in your relationships:
- Controlling the other and the self
- Lack of intellectual stimulation and communication
- Mothering or Fathering the person too much
- Neediness. This indicates there is something deeper you need to address
- Too Much routine (daily, weekly, same restaurants, same sexual patterns, same meals, same holidays, same same same same) Note : you need SOME routine in order to keep the relationship stable, I’m not saying give up your routines, job and become a pig farmer.. well unless that is your Dharma!!)
- Prudishness. Shaming sex, shaming your desires, not acknowledging that sexual energy is the most potent and creative force on the planet.
- Criticising your partner/declining your partner/shaming partner without examining yourself first. Better here is becoming growth minded i.e identifying issues, asserting your needs, seeing their perspective and needs, compromising.
- Not being honest about feelings
- Failure to continue to examine yourself and grow to the best you can be
- Playing the victim in life rather than being proactive and doing something to help yourself
- Pet names.
- Not looking after yourself. In many ways, how we look after ourselves in terms of movement, meditation, good nutrition is a reflection of our level of self respect. Self respect, confidence, self love and health is so sexy. If you’re letting it slip, don’t berate yourself just make steps to get it going again.
Before you get a bee in your bonnet about this list, remember that we are all human and at some point have done these things or similar. There is no shame in these behaviours, because they can be genuine subconscious behaviours that we are unaware of. Know that you can change these things, but it does require hard work on your part.
Step 2 : Quit blaming the other & quit blaming you… just quit blaming.
Once you identify the key issues, then you can assign responsibility for perhaps why these behaviours have occurred BUT in order to transform and grow as a human, own it and then find a way that feels right for you to acknowledge it. Next, realise that the belief and behaviour no longer serves you, so now is time to let that stuff go and make way for more fruitful beliefs and energies.
Note: It is very easy to get stuck at identification of your patterns. Many people stay here in knowing and think that the self work is done. In order to truly transform, then one has to go into a state of ‘being’ which is achieved through deeper work. Find a good psychotherapist or have a look at some Teal Swan videos on healing the emotional body. There is no shame in this at all 🙂
Step 3 : Relight your fire(s) and air
Try some of these:
- Get a New Hobby. Research found that people find their partner much more attractive when their partner is doing something they genuinely love and are passionate about. Taxidermy? Pig farming? Tree hugging? Train Spotting? You go for it! Bring back your fire element.
- Have time apart. Increase the element of Air by bringing space into the relationship. Those couples who are long distance can have the most passion and love because they have the space to build up desire, chemistry, longing etc. This can be 4 or 3 days at a time or longer. Be cautious that if you have some neediness issues, this could bring them up, so be wise and know what you can handle. Oftentimes a weekend is enough if you are used to cohabiting.
- Go on holiday together. Increasing the air element by taking a cultural trip. The culture will bring the air element of intellectuality into play and the space away from home also. Somewhere magical and mysterious such as Jordan, Dahab (Egypt), Morocco etc where you can sit around fires in the desert (fire element). Those natural fire lit situations could make the most prudish of us feel exotic, burning passionate energy!
- Listen to an intellectual audiobook together once a week. You can then discuss the intellectual stuff of it after (air). You could even listen to one on tantra (fire) which will bring in lots of intellect and fiery feels.
- Do your own personal tantra meditations. You can cultivate your own powerful, potent energy in this way. A great one is the digestive fire meditation. Inbox mefor a recording of this cleansing, potent and powerful tantra meditation.
- Hug for a little longer than comfortable & kiss on the lips often. When you hug you align the masculine and feminine energy points in both of your bodies, which in a healthy body, are lining up to attract one another strongly. Polarities always attract.
- Separate dressing rooms or bathrooms (Air) . Keep the undressing, showering etc private. This means that when you DO do these things together it is special, the body remains a little bit mysterious etc you get the picture.
- Hire a Housekeeper every now and then. Nothing is more unsexy than arguing about cleaning. Have boundaries, clean together with fun music on, etc but don’t be nagging about the dishes, there are many more lovely ways to resolve these little issues.
- Date night. Arrive at the venue separate (air). Try something unusual… picnic under the stars (air/fire), salsa dancing (fire), couples massage (fire/air), yoga (fire), meditation (fire, air) etc
- Spontaneity (Fire). Careful here, a bit of overhaul of identity is cool but shaving your hair off maybe is a bit out there and might really turn off your partner if they liked your hair (shocker), it goes without saying BUT people can do strange things in the moment. If you know your partner well you can be spontaneous accordingly i.e trips away, random surprises, a cheeky text message, a risky escapade wink wink nudge nudge, reminding your partner how attractive they are etc etc
I hope that some of these have helped in someways to get the mental fires going. Passion is important, as is love and stability. If you still look at your partner and yourself and feel a small fire, this is definitely a great starting point. If you still want to rip their clothes off from time to time, then fantastic, all is not lost. If you deeply love your partner but you cringe a little at the thought of jumping into bed with them, then this is different, and you may need to work harder within yourself firstly, and then together to find a mutual outcome.
My top tip is to remember who you are, your wants, your desires & your needs. Start with fulfilling yourself in the ways that you can i.e addressing neediness, self tantra, self care, boundaries within your own life. It is a game changer.
A partnership does require attention and examination if it is to be fulfilling for both parties in the long term. You can work together to understand what you want, what it looks like in reality and then perhaps use some of these tips to relight the energy of divine passion.
For more personal help on these matters details on tantra meditations, ways to increase your vibration, or anything else you can email me here.